woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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