Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
