I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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