I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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