Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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