Christians are straight up FREAKS
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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