the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
