I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this boner is exhausting
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
