I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
