your room smells of hookers.
And success
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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