He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
