Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
