you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
