PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
