I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
