I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
