When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
