You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
