i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
