I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
