yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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