someone owes me an orgasm
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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