there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i drank out of a bidet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
