should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
