i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
