It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
