oh god the rape fog is back!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
