it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
