My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
home. puking in laundry basket.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
