Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
