i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
