I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
