the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
