...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
