If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
