apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
