Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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