brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
