I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
