well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
