I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
