I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
