I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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