if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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