Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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