This is not my ceiling
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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