So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
