I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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