i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
