the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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